wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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