i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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