just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
