Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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