fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
