I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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