I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
