Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
