I CAN MOONWALK!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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