My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
