My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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