And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
