Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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