Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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