Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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