Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
