Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We got so high we made milksteak
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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