once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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