Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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