I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
