Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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