Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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