What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
