I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
