im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
