so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
