I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
