I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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