i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
