it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
