I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
