I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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