I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
