Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
