his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
