if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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