i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
