I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
