apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
