Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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