operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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