and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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