He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
