Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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