Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
