Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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