Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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