what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize