Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
