Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
