New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
