i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
