Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so let's talk penis.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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