you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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