he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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