there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Found your dick twin last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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