i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
