You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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