I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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