i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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