I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
