Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
