oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize