this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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