maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
