so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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