Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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