ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
