Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
