I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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