So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
