we have pet lesbian snakes
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
