I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
