I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize