i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
