I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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