There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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