Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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