Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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