i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
