Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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