I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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