I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
