just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
