Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize