Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
