My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
