thus making me awesome and them whores
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
