I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize