If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
