i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
