"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
