is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
